HOW HEALTHY IS COMEDY?

Jokes are essential parts of our life. They help us to not only stay optimistic, but support conversations and even relations with the others. Everyone should know when people laugh together, it makes them closer to each other. However, there are those, who do not have that good sense of humour. Such people need some kind of assistance, and for them we want to offer 10 funniest Nigerian jokes.

Let’s start with the observation what a joke actually is and which features makes it a good one. Only after this, you will be able to estimate 10 funniest Nigerian jokes. You probably think that only professional comedians are capable of creating smart and funny jests. Nevertheless, it is not true. Every person can do that.

Types of comedy

It is essential to select your so-called “genre”. Thus, you will know what direction to work in and your ideas will be more concrete. Consider the following kinds:

Satire. In this case, you are mocking at a particular section of society or politicians. We can point some criticism be means of such fun.

Slapstick. It is a kind of rude joke. For example, somebody tells you to be careful, while you, being distracted from what you have been doing, make a mistake or fall down, etc.

Irony. It is when the opposite of what has been expected happens or where someone says the opposite of what they actually mean. There is a lack of harmony between reality and expected things.

Parody. The comedians imitate someone’s behavior or manners in order to create a comic effect.

Spoof. It is a slight imitation. Its purpose is not to ridicule. People just have fun seeing familiar things.

Sarcasm. It mostly concerns short remarks, which are intended to insult somebody. Some stated idea is usually used as a basis. It also often features irony.

Black comedy. Such humorous jokes are specific. They make fun on serious issues. Their aim is to ease the pain or point some important things.

Farce. This type of comedy deals with complete exaggeration. Preposterous situations are applied.

Surrealism. Such jests contain bizarre and unexpected things.

Thus, you see that Nigeria jokes and comedy are very rich in their types. If you want to become a comedian and surprise your friends, you need to first define your style.

Funny Nigerian jokes

You have probably heard that the most famous jokes in Nigeria are Akpos ones. So, the funniest jokes in Nigeria are as follows:

1. Pregnant Maid.

Our daughter is pregnant!

That’s her problem.

Neighbours are talking!

It is their problem!

I am nervous.

It is your problem.

- They are sure it is yours!

That’s my problem!

2. Midnight.

The man comes too late and knocks the door. His wife says:

- Go back from where you have just come.

- I will jump into a pool.

- Whatever. Kill yourself.

The man throws a stone into the water. The wife runs out of the house to help, while the man is carefully comes inside and locks the door. The woman is in shock:

- Let me in or I will shout!

- Oh, and you will explain all the neighbors where you have come from in your pants and bra in the midnight.

3. Three Thieves.

Three criminals are in the court for getting their punishment. The judge says: I will give it corresponding to the number of things you have stolen. The first man received just a year for a can of sardine. The second one got 30 years for taking a tray of eggs. Akpos appeared to be the least lucky, as he took a bag of rice…

4. At the Border.

A man crosses the border on the bicycle. The officer on the Custom asks:

- What are you carrying?

- Just rice.

The officer spent much time checking and found nothing but rice. The second time the situation repeated.

- What are you caring?

- Rice.

Proper examinations were made in vain again. Once the officer met that man in the bar, he asked:

- Tell me in secret, what are you smuggling?

- Bicycles.

5. Who killed Abel.

A policeman is reading a Bible. Akpos comes to him and asks:

-Who killed Abel?

-Ask the one in charge of murder cases! – shouts the officer.

6. First Class.

Akpos comes home and tells his father:

- I have got the highest points at school today!

The father was very happy and spent all his money to celebrate it. But when they came home the dad saw the real marks of his son.

- What does it suppose to mean?!

- April Fool’s Day!

7. Our Problem.

The Akpos comes home from his office very upset.

- What happened?

- I have some problems in my office.

- All the problems are ours!

- So, then a secretary in our office is pregnant for us.

The wife fainted.

8. Attractive. Darling.

Says the wife, – I’m already 55, but one of your friends thinks I am very beautiful. The man answers: I am sure it is Brad. But how did you know? – asks the woman in astonishment. And gets the reply: He always deals in leftovers…

9. Cemetery.

A man writes on the forum:

Our politicians go to Europe for education, to Paris for holidays, to Dubai for shopping, to the US for work. They only want to go to Nigeria for being buried here. I want to ask: Is it a cemetery?

10. Missing Phone.

Akpos is looking for his phone in the darkness. He uses the light of his lost device. Where is it? – he asks. Then a call comes. Akpos answers: I will call you back later, I’ve lost my mobile! After thinking a bit, he tries to dial his number on the phone in his hands. And… he hears a busy signal. Oh, forget it! – says Akpos, – the phone has been stolen and someone has just cut my call!

These funny stories are very popular in Nigeria. You can find them and many other Nigerian jokes and comedy on the Internet. Enjoy reading them and share with your mates via social networks .

'Phenom' Ronaldo deserves Ballon d'Or

Real Madrid coach Zinedine Zidane backed Cristiano Ronaldo's case for a fourth Ballon d'Or on Friday despite the Portuguese superstar's current struggles in front of goal.

Ronaldo won both the Champions League with Real and Portugal's first ever major tournament at Euro 2016 to make him the favourite to land the award for the world's best player on January 9 next year.

"He clearly deserves the Ballon d'Or," said Zidane ahead of Saturday's trip to Alaves in La Liga.

"Not just at an individual level, but above all on a collective level...he knows everything he is achieving is thanks to his hard work and the work of those around him."

Ronaldo is expected to face competition from five-time winner Lionel Messi, Madrid teammate Gareth Bale and Atletico Madrid and France forward Antoine Griezmann for the award.

However, his form has slumped since his return from a two-month injury layoff after suffering knee ligament damage in the Euro 2016 final.

"What Cristiano has done is raise the bar so high that every time he doesn't score it is a problem," added Zidane.

Ronaldo has netted just four times in nine appearances for Madrid so far this season, by a distance his worst return at this stage of the campaign in seven seasons with the European champions.

"He is angry (about not scoring), but there is no bigger worry than that," continued Zidane.

"Every time he doesn't score there is a furore, but he has to live with these things. He is a phenom."

Ronaldo is expected to be partnered by Bale and Karim Benzema once more in the Madrid front line despite the fine form of Alvaro Morata.

The Spanish international came off the bench to score the winner against Athletic Bilbao last weekend and bagged a double in a 7-1 rout of Cultural Leonesa in the Copa del Rey on Wednesday.

However, captain Sergio Ramos, Luka Modric and Casemiro remain out injured.

MESMERIZING JOKES

Plantains

Teacher: Kola, spell plantain
Kola: whish one? the lipe one or the unlipe one?

He asks "Which one? The ripe one or the unripe one?", some people (like me) have trouble with the 'r', and with some people, it sounds like an 'l'

Teacher: what difference does it make? Just spell plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na 'DODO',
if you fly the unlipe one na 'SHIPS'
if you loast am, na 'BORLI'
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I spell? 



LONDON ZOO

A Nigerian youngster who was visiting the United Kingdom for the first time was taken to the London zoo for sightseeing. On getting to the section where monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see other tourists giving out plenty of money to the monkeys that were hopping around doing acrobatics. The more the acrobatics, the more the tourists enjoyed the show and the more the money (hard currency) the monkeys got.

This young man suddenly had an idea and when he got back to Nigeria, he started learning all kinds of acrobatics. He visited his medicine man and asked for a portion that will transform him into a monkey.

During his next visit to London, he went into the zoo and took the portion and was transformed into a monkey. He joined the other monkeys and started his own type of modern, systematic and attractive acrobatics. He soon caught the attention of all the tourists who wasted no time in showering him with plenty of pounds sterling. He was now making more money than the real monkeys.

The king of the monkeys didn't like this and challenged the new monkey to an acrobatic duel. The contest was tough and very keen but the new monkey won. The king monkey had to go on exile in shame but before he left he set a trap for the intruding monkey who now became the new king.

The next day, monkey business started as usual, with money coming in from the tourists. There was this particular tourist who really enjoyed the show that he threw a lot of money into the cage. The new king pocketed his money but to his amazement all the other monkeys threw their earnings into the adjacent cage. The new king could not comprehend this and would not allow all that money to go away like that; so he jumped into the adjacent cage to pick up the money. It was only when he got there that he realized it was a lion's cage.

The lion looked at him, looked at the money and roared and started toward the monkey who was now sweating, shaking and foaming in the mouth.

Half way, the lion suddenly stopped, looked at the monkey again and said:

"Oh boy, if no bi say we all na Naija, I for show you."




Hungry and Broke

There were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.

However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.

Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so, " Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!"




NNA, IYON AND KANABAR

An Akwa Ibom passenger once boarded a bus in Lagos. The bus driver was an Ijaw man and the conductor was a Calabar man.

The Akwa Ibom man said to the bus conductor, "Ah de ko ori oro."

The conductor then told the driver, "Idi-oro wa O."

On the way, the bus had a flat tire. The Ijaw man then told his conductor, "Zackson, get the zack, make you put the spare tire. Make you no allow us sleep for road in Nagos O."

The conductor cracked up in laughter, "Oka Yohn, you dey call yack Zack, You no know say dem no go understand you for Dagos."

One Igbo man then disembarked the bus in anger and exclaimed, "Ekolo Gbeja mi, Malu fo soke.",

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