'Phenom' Ronaldo deserves Ballon d'Or

Real Madrid coach Zinedine Zidane backed Cristiano Ronaldo's case for a fourth Ballon d'Or on Friday despite the Portuguese superstar's current struggles in front of goal.

Ronaldo won both the Champions League with Real and Portugal's first ever major tournament at Euro 2016 to make him the favourite to land the award for the world's best player on January 9 next year.

"He clearly deserves the Ballon d'Or," said Zidane ahead of Saturday's trip to Alaves in La Liga.

"Not just at an individual level, but above all on a collective level...he knows everything he is achieving is thanks to his hard work and the work of those around him."

Ronaldo is expected to face competition from five-time winner Lionel Messi, Madrid teammate Gareth Bale and Atletico Madrid and France forward Antoine Griezmann for the award.

However, his form has slumped since his return from a two-month injury layoff after suffering knee ligament damage in the Euro 2016 final.

"What Cristiano has done is raise the bar so high that every time he doesn't score it is a problem," added Zidane.

Ronaldo has netted just four times in nine appearances for Madrid so far this season, by a distance his worst return at this stage of the campaign in seven seasons with the European champions.

"He is angry (about not scoring), but there is no bigger worry than that," continued Zidane.

"Every time he doesn't score there is a furore, but he has to live with these things. He is a phenom."

Ronaldo is expected to be partnered by Bale and Karim Benzema once more in the Madrid front line despite the fine form of Alvaro Morata.

The Spanish international came off the bench to score the winner against Athletic Bilbao last weekend and bagged a double in a 7-1 rout of Cultural Leonesa in the Copa del Rey on Wednesday.

However, captain Sergio Ramos, Luka Modric and Casemiro remain out injured.

MESMERIZING JOKES

Plantains

Teacher: Kola, spell plantain
Kola: whish one? the lipe one or the unlipe one?

He asks "Which one? The ripe one or the unripe one?", some people (like me) have trouble with the 'r', and with some people, it sounds like an 'l'

Teacher: what difference does it make? Just spell plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na 'DODO',
if you fly the unlipe one na 'SHIPS'
if you loast am, na 'BORLI'
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I spell? 



LONDON ZOO

A Nigerian youngster who was visiting the United Kingdom for the first time was taken to the London zoo for sightseeing. On getting to the section where monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see other tourists giving out plenty of money to the monkeys that were hopping around doing acrobatics. The more the acrobatics, the more the tourists enjoyed the show and the more the money (hard currency) the monkeys got.

This young man suddenly had an idea and when he got back to Nigeria, he started learning all kinds of acrobatics. He visited his medicine man and asked for a portion that will transform him into a monkey.

During his next visit to London, he went into the zoo and took the portion and was transformed into a monkey. He joined the other monkeys and started his own type of modern, systematic and attractive acrobatics. He soon caught the attention of all the tourists who wasted no time in showering him with plenty of pounds sterling. He was now making more money than the real monkeys.

The king of the monkeys didn't like this and challenged the new monkey to an acrobatic duel. The contest was tough and very keen but the new monkey won. The king monkey had to go on exile in shame but before he left he set a trap for the intruding monkey who now became the new king.

The next day, monkey business started as usual, with money coming in from the tourists. There was this particular tourist who really enjoyed the show that he threw a lot of money into the cage. The new king pocketed his money but to his amazement all the other monkeys threw their earnings into the adjacent cage. The new king could not comprehend this and would not allow all that money to go away like that; so he jumped into the adjacent cage to pick up the money. It was only when he got there that he realized it was a lion's cage.

The lion looked at him, looked at the money and roared and started toward the monkey who was now sweating, shaking and foaming in the mouth.

Half way, the lion suddenly stopped, looked at the monkey again and said:

"Oh boy, if no bi say we all na Naija, I for show you."




Hungry and Broke

There were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.

However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.

The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother leave.

Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.

Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so, " Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!"




NNA, IYON AND KANABAR

An Akwa Ibom passenger once boarded a bus in Lagos. The bus driver was an Ijaw man and the conductor was a Calabar man.

The Akwa Ibom man said to the bus conductor, "Ah de ko ori oro."

The conductor then told the driver, "Idi-oro wa O."

On the way, the bus had a flat tire. The Ijaw man then told his conductor, "Zackson, get the zack, make you put the spare tire. Make you no allow us sleep for road in Nagos O."

The conductor cracked up in laughter, "Oka Yohn, you dey call yack Zack, You no know say dem no go understand you for Dagos."

One Igbo man then disembarked the bus in anger and exclaimed, "Ekolo Gbeja mi, Malu fo soke.",

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Child Neglect in Nigeria

Child abuse is the physical, sexual or emotional maltreatment or neglect of a child or children.
More so, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and the Department for Children and Families (DCF) define child maltreatment as any act or series of acts of commission or omission by a parent or other caregiver that results in harm, potential for harm, or threat of harm to a child.
My parents some time say, a man does not live long enough to make all the mistakes in life, in order to correct his actions or path; but by learning from other people’s mistakes, he will live long. In essence, a child does not necessarily have to be corrected by his parents, but any adult around, can equally correct a child if he or she goes wrong.
Following the trend of child abuse in Nigeria, I noticed that most children who suffer abuse, either get abused by their neighbour, uncle, aunt, teachers, pastor, parent etc, these are people who the child should normally feel protected and at peace with. According to statistics, these abuse happens over-time and these kids, sometime do not have someone to cry to, either out of fear of being stigmatised by friends, family or the general public; and even when they do, the parents sometimes admonish them and cover-up the crime, without reporting to appropriate agencies. The culprit goes around harming other kids.
Child abuse can occur in a child’s home, or in the organizations, schools or communities the child interacts with. There are four major categories of child abuse:
Neglect – the worst mistake parents in Nigeria make today, is neglect. Parents most times put their jobs or business first, while leaving their wards in the care of a supposed caregiver, either a nanny, uncle, aunt or even neighbours.
Physical abuse – these mostly occurs when the supposed caregiver to the child, is either an uncle, aunt, teacher etc. Children who suffer physical abuse daily with no one to save them from their plight tend to get hardened from the expereince.
Psychological or Emotional abuse – These is very common amongst Nigerian parents, who most times call their wards abusive names, not minding how it affects them emotionally or psychologically, the child on the other hand, while trying to prove the parents wrong, may fall into the hands of strange individuals, and;
Sexual abuse – sexual urge is common in men, than it is in women. Parents should ensure the safety of the female child, especially with male neighbours, uncles or friends.

However, with the level of awareness in Nigeria today, I believe every child in Nigeria will get to know his or her right with time. And the parents even if not sure who to meet, may report at the nearest police station or search for agencies handling abuse in Nigeria online. There are various agencies to report to and file a suit in the case of a sexual abuse and physical abuse etc the police should also not be left out when making reports, as they most times work hand-in-hand with such bodies

Photos: 59 yr old HIV-positive man arrested for defiling a 6 yr old girl in Delta state

59 year old HIV positive man, Monday Ekpade (pictured), has been arrested by the Delta state police command for sexually assaulting a 6 year old girl in Agbor on Sept 4th. According to Monday, he had sex with the minor because he believed that sleeping with her would cure him of HIV.

Niger Delta Avengers end ceasefire,bomb oil pipeline in Bonny

Militant group, Niger Delta Avengers, have ended their ceasefire as the group attacked the Bonny 48 inches crude oil Export Line yesterday evening at about 8.40pm. The group announced the new attack on its website. Read the statement below On the 23rd September 2016, our strike team at 20:40PM hours time has brought down oil productions activities at the Bonny 48 inches crude oil Export Line.

Nigeria is world leader in anti-terrorism fight — U.S On May 14, 201612:26 pmIn NewsComments 458 0 0 Mr Antony Blinken, the U.S. Deputy Secretary of State, on Friday described Nigeria as the leader of other countries in the fight against terrorism. Blinken, who hailed Nigeria’s anti-terrorism stance, spoke to State House Correspondents after a visit to Vice President Yemi Osinbajo in Abuja on Friday. The U.S. Deputy Secretary of State is in Nigeria ahead of Saturday’s Security Summit to be hosted by President Muhammadu Buhari. “Now here we have this very important security summit that Nigeria is hosting, with countries around the world attending. “This is an evidence of the strength of the Nigerian leadership, with the effort that the President and the Vice President are making to strengthen the economy, fight corruption and deal with the security challenges”, he said. He further hailed the relationship between Nigeria and the U.S. since Buhari’s inauguration as Nigeria’s President. “I was here just a little less than a year ago in preparation for President Buhari’s visit to Washington and since then we have seen the relationship between Nigeria and the U.S. grow deeper and stronger”, he stated. Blinken expressed belief that all Boko Haram’s captives, especially the Chibok girls, would regain freedom. “We have been focused on this from day one, doing whatever we can to provide all the assistance and information that we can develop’’, he said of the Chibok girls. According to him, this is something that has personally touched so many people in the U.S., including President Barack Obama and his family. “It is something that we are focused on every single day. Of course there are others besides the girls who have been taken hostage by Boko Haram. “Our thoughts are with them as well and we are determined as the Nigerian government, not to rest until we get them home”, he added. 458 0 0

Read more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/05/nigeria-world-leader-anti-terrorism-fight-u-s/

Mr Antony Blinken, the U.S. Deputy Secretary of State, on Friday described Nigeria as the leader of other countries in the fight against terrorism. Blinken, who hailed Nigeria’s anti-terrorism stance, spoke to State House Correspondents after a visit to Vice President Yemi Osinbajo in Abuja on Friday. The U.S. Deputy Secretary of State is in Nigeria ahead of Saturday’s Security Summit to be hosted by President Muhammadu Buhari. “Now here we have this very important security summit that Nigeria is hosting, with countries around the world attending. “This is an evidence of the strength of the Nigerian leadership, with the effort that the President and the Vice President are making to strengthen the economy, fight corruption and deal with the security challenges”, he said. He further hailed the relationship between Nigeria and the U.S. since Buhari’s inauguration as Nigeria’s President. “I was here just a little less than a year ago in preparation for President Buhari’s visit to Washington and since then we have seen the relationship between Nigeria and the U.S. grow deeper and stronger”, he stated. Blinken expressed belief that all Boko Haram’s captives, especially the Chibok girls, would regain freedom. “We have been focused on this from day one, doing whatever we can to provide all the assistance and information that we can develop’’, he said of the Chibok girls. According to him, this is something that has personally touched so many people in the U.S., including President Barack Obama and his family. “It is something that we are focused on every single day. Of course there are others besides the girls who have been taken hostage by Boko Haram. “Our thoughts are with them as well and we are determined as the Nigerian government, not to rest until we get them home”, he added. 458 0 0

Read more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2016/05/nigeria-world-leader-anti-terrorism-fight-u-s/

NIGERIAN GOVERNMENT BEGINS THE RELEASE 2016 BUDGET FUNDS TODAY.

Ministers of Budget and National Planning, Udoma Udo Udoma; Finance, Kemi Adeosun; Niger Delta, Pastor Usani Usani Uguru, Labour and Employment, Chris Ngige; and Solid Minerals, Kayode Fayemi, during the 2016 budget of change breakdown presentation, held at the State House Conference Centre, Presidential Villa, Abuja… yesterday. PHOTO: STATE HOUSE

Lagos-Calabar rail project, N100b constituency funds now in fiscal plan
The Federal Government begins the implementation of the 2016 budget today as it releases funds to Ministries, Departments and Agencies (MDAs) for the execution of their projects. To ensure that funds are duly utilised, the government has ordered the MDAs to produce their projects’ execution reports monthly.
This was disclosed yesterday by Budget and National Planning Minister, Udoma Udo Udoma, at the breakdown of the N6.07 trillion budget yesterday in Abuja . Udoma declared that in order to commence the implementation of the plan which already is in the middle of the second quarter, the release of capital votes to MDAs would commence today to cover lost grounds. He was, however, silent on the amount to be released.
It was also learnt yesterday that the compromise brokered to resolve the face-off between the executive and the legislature over the budget succeeded because it accommodated the interests of both arms of the government.
Udoma revealed that in the Appropriation Act assented to by the president, the controversial N60 billion Calabar – Lagos Coastal Rail project which the National Assembly reportedly expunged from the fiscal plan was finally restored, while the legislature’s N100 billion constituency projects fund which the executive had pruned to N60 billion has equally been restored to N100 billion.
Also at the budget breakdown were Minister of State for Budget, Mrs. Zainab Ahmed, Ministers of Finance (Mrs. KemiAdeosun); Niger Delta, (Pastor Uguru Usani); Labour (Dr. Chris Ngige) and Solid Minerals Development (Dr. Kayode Fayemi).
Although Udoma said the 2016 Appropriation Act had empowered the executive to run a full blast 12 months cycle, terminating next May 2017, the administration may reset the implementation calendar to its original plan between January and December which is the best time for projects execution.
He said: “The Federal Executive Council (FEC ) has approved an implementation strategy plan towards the path of sustainable development. Henceforth, MDAs are to produce monthly implementation reports to the Ministry of Budget and National Planning and will be collated and published on a quarterly basis on the ministry’s website. The essence of this is to ensure transparency and monitor implementation.
“We also already have in place professional independent monitoring and evaluation experts in addition to other different groups that will be tracking and evaluating the implementation of the budget to measure the funds released to MDAs and the impact such amount spent has on the people. For instance, we would like to measure the impact of a health centre that is built but not furnished and equipped with well-trained medics that should provide the services expected of the health centre.
“Let me reiterate that government is committed to ensuring effective implementation of this budget. However, the capital envisaged in this budget, large though, represents only a part of the spending to meet our ambitious plans for Nigeria. To develop this economy, we will need the active involvement of the private sector. We would therefore like to invite the private sector to take advantage of the opportunities that this government is creating to create the enabling environment. But it is the private sector that is the primary engine of this economy, working together, I have no doubt that we can turn this economy around,” the minister said.
According to Udoma, the reason the nation’s economy experienced a squeeze in 2015 despite viable plans to tackle the situation was low capital spending by the Federal Government.
“Failure to achieve projected oil production level due to destruction of oil pipelines,fall in price of crude,oil theft, among other things, contributed to shortage of funds for the execution of the 2015 budget. Out of the about 30% allocation to capital expenditure,only about 11% was covered.This very much explains poor performance of the economy in 2015”, the minister said.

Chairman, Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS), William Babatunde Fowler (left); President/Chairman of Council, Chartered Institute of Taxation of Nigeria (CITN), Olateju Abiola Somorin; Minister of Finance, Kemi Adeosun and second President, CITN, James Naiyeju during the 18th annual tax conference in Abuja …yesterday. PHOTO: LADIDI LUCY ELUKPO.

He noted that out of about 30% budgeted for capital expenditure last year,only about 11% was spent due to cash crunch.Special Adviser to the President on Planning, Ben Akabueze, who described the 2016 budget as a deficit budget due to funds paucity said, however, that the fiscal plan would create strong impact on the economy through fiscal discipline.
Akabueze stressed also that fiscal discipline by MDAs is highly required to meet target of the 2016 budget,just as he said that timely release of funds must be ensured to facilitate development.
Ahmed, in her address, gave an overview of how the Federal Government hoped to disburse the N500 billion Special Intervention Fund promised by the All Progressives Congress (APC) as captured in the 2016 budget.
She stressed that the entire intervention funds would be spread across five thematic areas, namely job creation, school feeding, conditional cash transfers, scholarships and enterprise programme support.